My Dearest Adia,
It’s been quite a year little girl, daddy and I anticipated your arrival for what felt like an eternity. I longed to smell you, to touch you, to feel your heart pound on my chest.
We counted down the days and at times the hours. We held our breath through every ultrasound & cried happy tears the moment it was confirmed you were still there.
A year ago today,
you arrived in this world the fearless fighter we see in your personality each day.
I had wondered that when we met for the first time if we would feel like strangers or if it would feel like I had always known you? People tell you about this motherly love and instinct that takes you over, but I must admit I was scared – what if it didn’t happen for us?
When daddy laid you on my chest for the first time you stopped crying instantly. Your precious eyes stared intently into mine and I wondered if you knew I was your mommy?
I feared I wouldn’t know how to hold you, nurse you, or love you in the way in which you deserved.
I was unprepared…
I was unprepared for your crying. I was unprepared for your reflux. I was unprepared for the daycare drop-offs and bedtime shenanigans.
I was unprepared for how sweet and cuddly you’d be, fitting perfectly in my arms. I was unprepared that for the first time in my life I would come last.
I was unprepared for how little time I would have with daddy and yet how much more I would love and appreciate him more than ever before.
I was unprepared that I would trade in my trendy closet for the comfiest sweat pants I could find.
I was unprepared for the constant worry and anxiety that comes with being your mom.
But most of all,
I was unprepared for how fiercely I would love, how confident and safe I would become in my new skin. I was unprepared the joy I would feel every day watching you grow and that being “mom” would become my greatest achievement.
I’ve spent the last year learning you and learning to be your mom.
We’ve spent hundreds of hours breastfeeding, searching for bink bink, asking you if you pooped, cuddling, laying in your crib (together), rocking in your glider, singing the itsy bitsy spider, trying new foods, running to the doctor, teething, putting your socks back on your feet, tummy time, asking you “what do you have?” Laughing, reading, dancing, and singing.
My hope is that you have learned…
I will always be your biggest fan,
I’ll be there when you fall,
I will always come when you cry and do my very best to meet all your needs.
I will push you out of your comfort zone but always be on the sideline.
I’ll continue to teach you that life isn’t that serious but hard work pays off.
I will show you what love is first hand and give you 10000s of kisses a day.
I’ll always take time for us to laugh and play.
But most importantly, I hope you learned my love for you is in every fiber of my being and the DNA of yours. You, my child, are Gods greatest promise and I will spend my life in gratitude.
Happy first birthday you beautiful little human.