The Perfection of an Imperfect Christmas

It’s 6:00am, I sneak into your room and lift you from your crib. You sleep in a fetal position just as you had in my belly. I shhhh you as I walk to the rocking chair.

You lift your little hand and wrap my hair around your fingers and when you catch my scent you smile through your binkie, I want to steal this moment of peace.

When I think of your first Christmas this is the memory that I hope comes to mind.I listen to your quick breaths and watch your chest rise and sink.  My heart is full, my life is perfect. You my, baby are more than I could have ever dreamed.

Here we are our first Christmas, you’re 8 months old and have no idea what this day means. Here I am my first Christmas as “mom,” I too am new to what this means.

To the outside world there are things about this Christmas that may seem imperfect, but you, you keep me present to the meaning of this season.

We have spent weeks preparing our hearts for Jesus and today we will receive him, today we will celebrate Gods promise. I have never resonated more with the Virgin Mary as I do at this moment holding my promise.

The tree downstairs is half decorated,

I bought biscuits instead of cinnamon buns,

Pillsbury made our cookies.

We never made it to the store to purchase that “baby’s first Christmas” ornament, and I’ll end up wrapping your Christmas presents on the kitchen floor while you sit in your highchair.

But you sweet girl, you won’t care, you will smile and laugh because all you desire is my presence.

We will sing Mariah Carey Christmas songs and mommy will down 3 cups of coffee knowing family will arrive soon.

We sit you on the floor amongst all your presents and you will be amused by the paper. You will watch mommy and daddy to see how you should react. Up until this moment, I will have felt like I have failed you on your first Christmas but as I watch you glow with joy and bring an infectious smile to everyone who watches you – I know I’m doing something right.

On this Christmas, I am reminded that happiness is not in the things but in the people and my people are thriving.

I pray as you grow in a world full of things and noise you always remember what’s most important and take the time to make your days, days to remember.