It’s 5:30 pm as I stand outside my house fussing with the key, I just drove 2 and a half hours from work fighting Friday traffic. Inside I hear “5 little ducks went swimming one day…,” followed by a little giggle. I open the door to see my mom playing with my 6-month-old (Adia). Adia hears the door open, and her eyes fixate to where I’m standing. At this moment Friday traffic and the worries of the world are behind me, I close the door to them knowing I have two full days with my baby. I grab her from the bouncer as she spits up on my Calvin Klein dress.
Fun Day, Sick Day
My poor baby stayed home from daycare with her meme because she woke up sick. It broke my heart leaving her at 6 am knowing I would not be the one to comfort her. Caught in mamma guilt and appreciation explains how I feel most of the time. Guilty I wasn’t the one to take her to the doctor and give her the needed eye drops. Then appreciative that I have some beautiful women in my life especially my mom, who can be there when I cannot.
My Mama told me there be days like this
Adia is happy and content and meme looks the same. Being a working mamma comes with days like this. I could tell you I hate my job, and I’m purely working for financial reasons, but I would be lying. I went back to work because I want to be the best mom possible.
I am not raising a princess; I am raising a warrior
Someday soon, I’m going to push my daughter to find what fulfills her. I am going to expect she sets goals and goes beyond her comfort zone. I can’t ask her to be strong without first showing her what it looks like. Life is a struggle, and you can choose to have more bad days than good, or you can see the good in even the worst of days, and today, mommy didn’t get to be there, but meme did.
I went back to work because I want to set a good example. I want Adia to see that work is a part of life and it is a good part of life. It is not something that only happens at a job. You work to maintain a house, a yard, relationships, and your family. Anything worth having is worth working for – cliche but true.
As a working mom I know I have a limited amount of time each day to be with Adia and at my job, that motivates me to make the most of the time I do have. It reminds me to be present and embrace each experience.
I don’t forget to remember
Morning feedings are so very special, as I watch her drink down her bottle, while I say my morning prayers. I don’t forget to remember the weight of her little body in my arms, the smell of her sweet skin, the little growl she makes as she realizes the bottle is empty, and every milestone she makes provides me the confirmation that we’re navigating this thing called motherhood together.
I’m a mom; I’m Fearless
If I can do this, I can do anything… Motherhood has made me fearless and comfortable in my own skin like never before, I have begun to see myself the way my daughter sees me and the way I WANT her to see me.
Living in the space of vulnerability, staying away from phrases like “can’t” and “hate,” and making the promise to contribute my time and self to only things that bring me joy.
Work and motherhood grow and strengthen different pieces of me which equally contribute to each role. I feel grateful to have a work culture that supports me as a mom and a family that supports me working.